It’s the final Horsing around Update!! Find out,Who won? What happened? Shock Twists, Poor Tricks, Organ failure and more await.

claiming that he was not a terrorist, only to be met with cries of "Go Home YOU TERRORIST!!". Although this did not phase him.

                                    
"Ikmael was already a well known public identity"

Ikmael decided to go global, and so signed up on Horsing Around, in order to preach his cause to the greater public...and avoid an arrest warrant...

Ikmael describes himself as being fun loving, an expert owl watcher and Likes being the center of attention.

Johyni Hashokawa. 29

Johyni is a professional magician. Born in finland, but raised in Wales. Johyni brings all these cultural qualities into his act, "Johyni Hashokawa- the Illusionist"

An "up-close" performer, Johyni was a big hit in the late 90's, untill an unfortuante accident occured during a performance at a childrens birthday party.


"......something's gone wrong....."

Now he is black-listed as a magician, and so hoping to raise his profile, he signed up to be in the Horsing Around House.

Johyni describes himself as Puzzleing, an expert mind reader, and devilishly handsome..

Trent Cull 23

Trent was born and raised in Bristol. Brought up in a family of five, Trent sometimes felt un-appreciated. But that was soon to change when Trent, at the age of 8, brutally slaughtered his entire family after they refused to turn the tv over to Knight Rider.

Brought up in a young offenders home, Trent was released on his 18th birthday, fully rehabilitated. After being kicked out of University, Trent found his calling in life. Street Busking.

Trent, accompanied with his piano accordion, wowed street goers for four years with hs renditions of "Sweet like Chocolate", "Ground control to Major Tom" and "Beethoven's Choral Symphony, no.9 in d minor". After realising that 43 pounds was not enough to move to Hawaii, he decided to become a housemate,in order to win the 2 million pound prize money.

                                         

 "Armed with his violent past, and a piano acccordion, nothing stands in Trent's way..."

Elizabeth Fosters 21

Chugs is a tough woman.

Early on in her youth she was introduced to ecstasy, and rather than doing the smart thing of selling it to children, she took them herself, and became addicted.

Luckily though her friends rallied around her and squashed her addiction. Unfortuantly it came to late. With her body still riddled with the effects of 1000 ecstasy pills (taken over 2 years), she still feels the effects to this day. Permanently in a drug induced state.

But this hasn't stopped her no... She is still a party goer and she still likes to dance, albeit very slowly and wobbly.


"The effects are hardly recognisable at parties..."

Unfortuantly though there is a down side to this. Due to this condition (Knightsbridge Syndrome) she cannot operate heavy machinery, something she has wanted to do since childhood after accidentally receiving her brothers Tonka Toy one christmas.

But thankfully there is an operation she can have in order to put this right, but its expensive. So she signed up to the House inorder to get a chance at winning the money and realising her dream...

Gari Field 43

Gari describes herself as a live wire. As a house wife and mother of three, she needs to let her hair down once in awhile. Unfortunatly the last time she went out was to a BROS concert in 1988...

Longing to end the boredom of her life, Gari has tried many things from Stand Up Comedy to Suicide (

)


"what is the deal with those little sugar packets?? huh?? HUH???"

Unfortuantly her comedy career was short lived after the public started to realise that "GARIFIELD LIVE" was not what they thought it was....

Becoming a housemate is just another thing in a long list for Gari.

"It's not that special, i was nearly on Deal or No Deal once, so i'm used to TV..."

Gari says the hardest thing will be leaving her kids.

But she has stressed that she dosent want to replace them by becoming the mother figure in the house. She said "I plan to get laid just like everybody else".

Her husband of 20 years was unable to comment..

Stinky 4

Stinky, or Constable Stinky as he was known, was a police horse, untill he was "un-voluntarily" retired due to his violent tendencies towards criminals, children and Adults..

Stinky was seeked out by Our production team to appear in our show, although his owner, Mr Anderson, was initially wary of more public exposure after an incident a few years back.

                                

                  "It was a christmas parade that no one would forget in a hurry"


And that is the Contestants in this years Horsing Around the House.

Stay tuned for a recap of their first week in the house....

What a week it’s been in the Horsing Around house!

The contestants have already been faced with their first problem, Stinky the Horse.

Stinky (named this for obvious reasons) has been quite hostile and has been prone to random and extremely violent attacks on the housemates, with the main victim being Elizabeth; simply because she can’t move out of the way fast enough, due to her ecstasy disorder (see “Meet the Contestants”)

“Elizabeth and Stinky have a violent confrontation”

However certain precautions have been taken to ensure that these attacks become less frequent.  During the week, Alcohol was introduced into the house for the first time and a roster was drawn up by the housemates to see who would spike the horse’s water each night.

However this introduction of alcoholic beverages has come at a price. On the 5^th night, after consuming nearly 7 bottles of low grade Vodka, Johyni Hashokawa, decided to perform one of the greatest illusions of all time, live on TV.

The Magician Community has been up in arms over discussions about whether or not launching a small firework inside your own anus counts as an illusion…

"At this time, Johyni was starting to think the trick might have gone wrong.." 

Doctors say that Johyni will make a full recovery, due to good results on his anal reconstruction. However it is still unclear at this stage whether or not he will ever be able to perform his much loved act of “Cobumbo” ever again…

Due to Johyni’s shock exit, only four housemates remained, and all Four were up for eviction.

Gari has taken to walking around nude late at night. With much of this footage being unable to show during a pre-watershed timeslot, it was shown in the Late Night program, Horsing Around UNCUT.

Unfortunately, due to the excessive amount of footage of Gari, the UNCUT show has lost ratings, and has been subsequently cancelled.

"Ikmael views a whole new side to Gari........" 

Trent was providing the housemates with entertainment each night with his Piano Accordion, with renditions of the Michael Jackson hit “Thriller” and Europe’s “The Final Countdown”, however this has not been met with good feelings from the other contestants.

Due to a mixture of excessive alcohol intake, Johyni’s shock departure and Gari’s unwelcome Nudity, Ikmael finally snapped and proceeded to bash Trent’s accordion into the wall.

This was unsettling for the housemates, particularly for Trent, who didn’t speak for 48 hours, and stayed in his room.

It was this act which sent the house into a state of silence for the remaining days leading up to the eviction.

Ikmael stayed outside for much of this time, practicing his chants. Gari took this time to test out her new “Mummy is a Mime” routine, and Elizabeth spent all of the time lying on the kitchen floor, unable to get up without the assistance of the other housemates…

Indeed the only “active” contestant was infact Stinky, although due to the drink spiking, he now kept himself to himself and just stayed near his alcohol ladened horse trough…..

On the Final day, tensions were running high, with each contestant being nervous of the immanent eviction.

It turns out that it was Ikmael’s time to go. As the news came in via satellite, a S.W.A.T team infiltrated the house and forcibly removed Ikmael for questioning over his terrorist links…

"Ikmael gets escorted out of the Horsing Around House....by S.W.A.T"

And so with only three contestants now in the house (the return of Johyni is still unclear at this stage), the game is now heating up.

With only Two weeks away from the next eviction, each contestant will need all the help they can get if they are to become this years “Horsing around the House” winner….

After his accident, Johyni is back inside the house, much to the dismay of the other contestants. Johyni, ever the showman decided to sneak into the house via the air conditioning ducts and surprise the housemates, however, as normal, things didn’t quite go exactly to plan….

“Something’s gone wrong…”

After 4 hours, Johyni was finally released from the trash disposal unit (he took a wrong turn..) and set about settling back into the house.

The Outside world has really grown attached to Johyni, enjoying his buffoonery and unbelievable acts of stupidity, if only the same could be said for Gari…

Gari’s popularity has steadily decreased after she decided to be nude for a day, and has decreased even more since here secret past was revealed in a tabloid magazine..

It states that Gari, while over in Canada one time, tried to kidnap a local group of family folk signers after being so impressed with their act. Doctor Wrenching of the Edinburough University says that “Gari believed that they were her real family”.

It was an event that the Popovich family wouldn’t forget in a hurry..

Photo Courtesy Popovich Music Industries.

The Popovitch’s were extremely huge in the 80’s with a mix of folk, rock and pop songs.

Described as a “Dynamic, High Energy Vocal Show Band, and Prepared to Set Your Audience on Fire!” the Popovitch’s were big hits wherever they went…

"VERY FUNNY HILLBILLY SHOW!"  "PERFECT FOR OUR ANNUAL BULL SALE!"
     Lloydminster, AB “Quontock Ranch"

Doctors believe that the reason behind Gari’s insanity was because she had always wanted to perform and be loved.

Elizabeth has been struck with a mysterious illness leaving her bed ridden. The illness struck the day after she managed to slap Trent and get him nominated.

Elizabeth went to bed and the next morning had mysteriously woken up with two broken legs, a ruptured appendix and a perforated lung. Doctors are dumbstruck, and can’t think what would have caused it…

Animal Rights activists are worried that Stinky now has a drinking problem, although his owner , Nathan Hull denies this, claiming that “in the past he only ever drunk when it was a special occasion” and that “the media have blown it all out of proportion..”

"Click to view enlarged image"

Courtesy the Sunday Mirror

On the night before eviction, it was revealed that only Trent and Gari had been nominated. This was crushing news for Trent who had planned not to get nominated by any of his fellow housemates. Gari was taking the news quite well, and said that if it was her time to go, then that was fine. This comment didn’t gel well with Trent who decided to “nominate” Gari again….and again….and again…even though the nomination period was now over.

On the final night, tensions were running high. Johyni was now watching the live feed from the backyard, because of his recently found fear of closed spaces thanks to being stuck in a trash disposal unit for 4 hours, AND Elizabeth was brought into the room in her wheelchair, but she was removed after it was found that her breathing machine interfered with the live broadcast.

“Tension is high as the verdict is read out…”

Once the votes were all counted, it was revealed that it had been a tight race between Gari and Trent, with only less than 5% making the difference. In the end it was Trent’s name that was read out.

Trent left the house calmly (being shot and sedated after he tried to strangle Gari to death).

 "Trent is accompanied by Experts..."

So that leaves, again, only Three contestants. Gari, Elizabeth and Johyni. Who will stay, who will go, and who will lose their sight by the end of next week? Who knows….

Johyni has refused to come indoors, stating he now suffers from severe claustrophobia after being stuck inside a trash disposal unit for 4 hours after one of his magic tricks went wrong. (See Week 2)

Elizabeth, now suffering from even more debilitation, has not been able to leave the confines of the Emergency Care Room (formerly the rewards room). Doctors are still unclear as to what could have caused this rare affliction. Chief Doctor, Dr. Russell says that “Flu could account for her dizziness and headaches, but not for her two broken legs, ruptured appendix and her perforated lung…”

 "Struck down by a mysterious disease, known only as Spalko's Syndrome, Elizabeth recovers in the make shift emergency care room"

After her narrow eviction escape last week, Gari has decided to reinvent herself in order to gain more fans. Gari, utilizing skills she learned at “Boingo’s Clown Academy for Women over 30”, she has decided to pursue a career in the circus.

Adding to her already impressive mime routine, Gari has also decided to incorporate juggling into her act, a move that was, perhaps ill-advised. It seems that Alcohol has caused yet another casualty in the Horsing Around house, leaving Gari now permanently blind in one eye (a horrific, yet poignant example of the consequences of juggling forks whilst intoxicated).

" a horrific, yet poignant example of the consequences of juggling forks whilst intoxicated"

Bookies have tipped Johyni to be the horsing around champion, and have also tipped Elizabeth as the most likely to be evicted. Mind you these were also the same bookies that tipped Michael Jackson to become the next pope last year.

The Horsing around Producers have come up with a new way of nomination for the housemates. If one of the housemates wants to nominate another, they must go to the diary room and perform a chicken dance. The Housemates were outraged at this proposal because, a) they didn’t want to degrade and humiliate themselves on national television and b), Johyni wouldn’t come in the house, Elizabeth is paralyzed and therefore is unable to the dance, and Due to her recent blindness Gari is still getting used to walking without falling, let alone performing any dance.

With these comments taken onboard, the producers came up with yet another way. A photograph of each of them was placed on the floor of Stinky’s stable, and which ever photo was covered in the most horse shit, would be nominated.

 "Johyni now spends most of his time with stinky, the alcoholic horse"

Unfortunately due to a spate of diarrhea for Stinky, all the housemates have been nominated.

 "With all the housmates nominated, they find themselves in deep shit......literally.."

Tune in Soon for Week 3-Eviction.

Johyni 's an awful magician, real awful, just plain crap. A failure at everything he attempts to do, each trick he attempts go’s wrong, yet he still manages to survive with only minimal injuries each time.

 
But now Johyni is suffering from claustrophobia, and he wants to escape the house.

Johyni, being a professional magician thought this would be easy, as he has done many escape routines in his act. Johyni was of course forgetting the last time he tried to do an escape trick in his act, the particular trick was called cage of death, where Johyni had to escape the suspended cage before it was dropped into a pool of boiling water. Johyni however narrowly escaped death, the same could not be said for escaping the boiling water, and Johyni was hospitalized for 6 months while the burns heeled.

Unfortunately, due to lack of planning and a lack of any outside help, the only getaway vehicle available was that of a bobcat that was being used to construct the set for the new British sitcom “Guvn’a your foots up me arse”.

Unluckily for Johyni there were no lights on the bobcat, and there was very poor lighting available outside, so Johyni accidentally turned the bobcat around and smashed straight through the wall of the house. Panicked, Johyni tried to get back in the house, but was caught by the guards, who after watching Johyni for several minutes and fearing bad publicity over the escape, captured, drugged and severely beat Johyni and placed him back in the house.

Screen Grabs from the Security footage show Johyni’s attempted escape

The House is now in mourning as Elizabeth has sadly passed away, a fact that went unnoticed for four days; only the smell of her rotting corpse tipped them off, this was because of her condition which left her in a paralyzed state. Thankfully due to her timely demise, no housemate had to be evicted, so it’s not all bad…

Gari, still coping with the loss of her eye and the fact that everyone in the house is either suffering from claustrophobia, is dead or nearly dead due to liver failure, is not enjoying her time in the Horsing around house. Which considering she is one of the most hated contestants in the house, and the fact that she walks around nude and once kidnapped a family of folk singers, is hardly surprising….

Stinky, well……Stinky isn’t doing much at all. He doesn’t eat his food, and can’t actually walk anymore, utilizing his two good legs, Stinky dragged himself over from his stable to his alcohol ladened Horse trough, and now spends all of his time chugging down insane quantities of the amber fluid. Celebrity Veterinarian Dr Richard Schuit is disgusted at the fact that Stinky is still being allowed to drink. “ They should have set up the blue curtains and brought out the shotgun a long time ago, quite how the horse is still alive….i’ll never know!”

However, its not all bad news for the House, former contestant Trent, arrested for trying to kill the other housemates is back on his medication and now spends most of his time residing in Sunnydown Mental Asylum. No news has come out about first evictee Ikmael Kolspa, after he was forcibly removed from the house by S.W.A.T, after it was revealed that Ikmael had links to known Terrorist Groups.

Never has a man been more innocent...... (Photo Courtesy Al Jazzera Tv)

Sources say he is happy in his detention cell over in Guantanemo Bay.

Tune in later to see who wins the competition and is crowned Horsing Around Champion, and who is sent home!!

At the start of the week Gari was startled to find Johyni unconscious on the floor, at first she thought he was acting, and complemented on his performance where she really believed that he his lungs were full of blood, but after a good hour, she realized he was not acting. Johyni had been beaten by the House Guards, who after catching him trying to escape, drugged, clubbed and beat him senseless.

Johyni after spending a few days in the Makeshift hospital room (otherwise known as the tool shed) and is now fine. He can’t feel the left side of his body anymore, but he’s fine.

Gari has recovered from her spout of depression, and is now eager to stay in the house to win. Johyni is also eager to stay in the house, in fear of beatings he may receive if caught escaping again…

Alone, the two housemates finally decided to put on a show, Johyni with his magic and Gari with her unique combination of Stripping, Stand up comedy and impressive mime routine. However, the collaboration proved disastrous.

In a complex act, Johyni was trying to levitate Gari over a bed of swords. Unfortunately, Johyni had been out of practice for sometime now and lost concentration. Gari was impaled by the 14 swords, and died instantly.

“This photo was taken only moments before the unfortunate incident”

Panicked, not by the fact that he was a murderer, but more about the beatings he was sure to get by the guards here and in prison, Johyni escaped out of the side door, and threw the hole in the wall (which was cause by an earlier attempt at escape with a bobcat).

So, this was the end of the competition, and by default Stinky was the Horsing around champion, earning the 2 million pound prize money. However the housemates had not checked on Stinky and he was found with his head in his horse trough. Poor stinky had died of liver failure from excessive alcoholic intake a few days earlier.

“R.I.P Stinky….he’s off to that big glue factory in the sky….”

So with no one left to collect the prize money and be crowned champion (Stinky and Gari are both dead and Johyni is on the run), the contest was cancelled.

Not surprisingly the option to make a second series was rejected by the Network, and the creators were sued by the dead contestant’s families and the horse’s trainer and owner.

Surprisingly a similar show, which had a very similar outcome (all the contestants died), had been shown in Amsterdam. The show was named “Bear in There” (for obvious reasons), and the producers too were sued by Animal protectionists and the contestants families. Laws have now been passed to prevent such shows ever being put into production again.    

“Amsterdam’s ‘Bear in there’ program finally proved that age old tale…..Bears eat people..”

If you have any news on Johyni’s whereabouts please contact your local police station.

 
(With thanks to Matthew Szabo, Richard Schuit, Nathan Hull, Brett Orzel and Google, for all those schleps…er…contestants…., BFC wish to advise that this is all fake...duh)

Want More? Click on the "What happened Next?" and "Behind the Scenes" links on the Special Extra's sub menu...

Keep an eye out for more BFC shows like 'Al-Qaeda Idol', 'Survivor : Guantanemo Bay' and 'The Biggest Loser : Ethiopia' in the near future.........

Hmmm…..i have to say, horsing around was the most fun I ever had on a blog. It was the funniest thing I ever wrote, I just enjoyed writing it, giggling like a little school girl every time someone got injured or died…..I’m sick….

It was very different from Uz Idol, as my brother Matt had written most of that, and I felt I needed to do something on my own….

Johyni was, by far the most fun to write for, cause he is just so unlucky. Infact he’s probably related to Mikael Spalko from Uzbekistan Idol……Poor fellows…

Meet the Contestants!!

This was hard. Finding good characters always is. I had more of a hard time writing for the Females than I did for the males. I mean with males, you’ve got a psycho,a terrorist and a retarded Asian magician....easy...

With the females on the other hand, one is a failed comedian who is also a mother, and one is, tragically comatosed for life…

I did think it was integral, to have all the characters as ......well failures in a way. You’ve got a failed magician,terrorist,musician,comedian and one that failed to make the right choices in life….

Looking back now, it was a mistake to have Elizabeth severely paralyzed, as it limited what she could do. She didn’t even do that much, apart from being hit and left to die on the kitchen floor….

Week 1 Overview..

Now, at his time, I was still very much working from my original brief, and the whole “ass flaming” incident was the main reason why I did H.A.T.H. Week 1 was purely so I could write that and hopefully get more people to stay for the rest of it. Give the best material first, you might say…

Also it was an ideal way to set-up the character of Stinky and his alcoholism. Something that died down as the weeks progressed…

The main reason I evicted Ikmael first was simple because I didn’t think I could do much more with him. And the fact that he has to be taken out by S.W.A.T was another part of the “best material” plan…

Week 2: Mid -Week Review

This was based around the “classic displacement tendencies” line. That was the sole plot for that week. Also so I could develop Trent more, seeing as he was (at the time), the only male..

Week 2- 2nd Eviction…

Johyni’s rearrival was always planned, although I had hoped that it would have been later…

This was Gari’s turn at character development. The Popovitch family are real, and I really wanted to use them, unfortunately it wasn’t written very well, and should have been thought through more…

It wouldn’t be H.A.T.H without some sort of injury, and it was Elizabeth’s turn.

This was to have come right at the end, as I had originally planned that it would be Gari and Elizabeth who would be the last ones there, but I had grown attached to that walking disaster known as Johyni.

Plus she was already paralyzed, what would a few broken limbs do to her??

Week 3:Mid -Week Review

This was where character development went out the window, and mindless acts of stupidity took its place. I had already written the fork idea a long time ago, and this was just an excuse to get it in somehow.

Johyni, however now suffers from severe claustrophobia. The things I put him through..

Week 3 / 4 : The Final Countdown

Forget H.A.T.H , now it was “The Johyni Show”. I love the fact that instead of just trying to get himself evicted, he tries to escape, cocks it up and gets beaten up…

Everything he touches, as my dad would say, “is a fuck up…”

I thought that we hadn’t heard much from stinky (not surprising as he was a horse), but seeing as the whole premise revolves around him, it was high time we paid him a visit. I always knew, right from the start, that he would be slowly dying from liver failure, and I wanted to keep giving hints away…

Also, Ikmael makes a reappearance, basically because things were left very open-ended…

Week 5. The Final Outcome

Well, by this time, I knew Johyni was going to win, and so had to find a way to kill gari. But with all the psychopaths in the house gone, I knew it had to be up to Johyni. (Also if you notice, she miraculously gets her eye back, and suddenly recovers from depression…)

How to kill her? Through a magic trick of course. Its not his fault, but I love how he panicks and instead of staying there (and probably be let off, and gaining the 2 mill in prize money), he goes on the run…

It then ended on a sad note with the death of stinky.. Funny how everyone Elizabeth got one sentence, yet the violent horse got a paragraph….and a photo…

Bear in there? Yep, I loved that, and the fact that a horse would be much more safer than a bloody bear…It would eat you…....that old tale "bears eat people.."..how true

What happened Next?

Basically an epilogue, it ties up all the lose ends. Provides closure for the family of Elizabeth. Gives incriminating evidence to the prosecution of Ikmael, and allows for a happy ending for Trent….

Oh and poor old Johyni is still on the run…actually, I wrote a script for a short “mockumentary” about Johyni, who is now a professional magician in Australia. (It basically skips out the Horsing Around part of his life…). I’m trying to make it, but as they say…..no I don’t know what they say…..But….i had fun….and that’s the main thing. Do I care if anyone else enjoyed it… No….because I loved it……….

The End…

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